Happy Mother's Day

Last week I noted that Mary Kassian deals with Simone deBeauvoir, then moves on to Betty Freidan.  If I hadn’t gotten so hung up on deBeauvoir, I would have read ahead and realized that her comments on Freidan were similar.  I’ll address Friedan briefly.

Friedan agreed with deBeauvoir’s basic thesis that women have been assigned a second-class status in the world.  Friedan noted the tension between “the reality of women’s lives and the image to which women were trying to conform” (Kassian 20).  Friedan called this disparity the “feminine mystique.”  Women felt that they should have found fulfillment in their roles as wives and mothers because that’s what society told them would be satisfying.  Friedan believed that “self-fulfillment came from having a defined purpose and from shaping and contributing to the world in tangible and creative ways.”  Raising children, while important, did not feel like a major contribution to society.  Women weren’t participating in the development of ideas and culture.  Friedan wanted women to participate in academic and public arenas by taking an interest in a particular topic and pouring themselves into the study and development of that topic; she thought education was the way to go.  To compound the issue of women’s dissatisfaction, nobody seemed to be talking about it.  Women weren’t spending time together in public places talking about, let’s be honest – complaining about, their day-to-day lives.  So how could they have known that other women were feeling a similar discontent?  Women remained silent because of this “mystique,” this idea that women should have felt satisfied in their current lives.  Friedan believed that education and public participation were the solution to the feminine mystique.  Let women participate in a field of thought for an extensive period of time, let them contribute to the development of ideas and culture. 

This issue actually lends itself to a little Mother’s Day reflection.  I believe my interpretation from last week stands: Friedan is identifying an issue of purposelessness.  Christians have a very clear purpose: to glorify God and enjoy Him forever.  In addition to that, humanity has been given the command, starting with Adam and Eve, to be fruitful and multiply.  Well, after that multiplication takes place, someone has to care for the product.  

Here’s what I want mother’s to remember today: women raising children are shaping culture in a radical way.  (This applies to any parent, but in honor of the day and the topic of the blog, I’m going to talk about mothers.)  The way a mother raises her child does more to create the future of our world than any scientific breakthrough or political movement can.  Every day, I see the results of a lack of parenting: students who don’t know how to cope when they face difficult situations, students who don’t know what to believe in this world, students who don’t know their own worth and potential.  Mothers are commanded to raise their children according to the teaching of the Bible.  They are to tell their children of the mighty works that God has done in order to foster a relationship between God and the child.  This is the most important thing a mother can do, and likely the prayer of all Christian mothers – Lord, let my child walk with you. 

Of course, I can say all of this without being a mother yet; I don’t know how difficult it is to give up my profession and autonomy to live for the whims of a three-year-old.  (Thanks to my friends, I’ve gotten a glimpse of what life is like among young children, and I complain a little less about my students J)  I know from talking to other women that transitioning out of a professional life into a life at home is difficult; women struggle to find fulfillment in changing diapers and wiping noses.  I think Friedan was right to acknowledge a tension there: it’s easy to say that being a mother is fulfilling, but it’s another thing entirely to spend your day at home with children and feel fulfilled at the end of it.  That is my prayer for all the mothers I know: may you be reminded of the tremendous blessing it is to have the gift of raising your children, even on the days when it offers you absolutely no intellectual stimulation.  You are living in obedience to God and participating in the calling He has placed on your life.  May the Lord bless you in that work. 

Mom pointed me towards this article:  “Millennial moms put their unique imprint on parenting.”  In some ways, this generation of moms is doing what deBeauvoir and Friedan would have wanted – they are creating a community of women that can communicate about their purpose and identity.  Technology is a blessing in this way – it connects women who would otherwise be stuck at home all day without any adult interaction. 

I’m glad that being a stay-at-home mom is regaining some “legitimacy” in society.  I hope to become a part of that profession someday. 

At the end of Kassian’s introductory chapter focusing on these two feminist thinkers, she adds this rather important point.  She moves on to another feminist thinker, Kate Millett, who defined the problem that women had been facing as “patriarchy.”  Adrienne Rich explained:  “Patriarchy is the power of the fathers: a familial-social, ideological, political system in which men – by force, direct pressure, or through ritual, tradition, law, and language, customs, etiquette, education, and the division of labor – determine what part women shall or shall not play, and in which the female is everywhere subsumed under the male” (Kassian 23-24).  This was the overall culture that kept women from transcending, from discovering their purpose and identity. 

This concept of patriarchy will launch me into an examination of male headship.  Kassian’s next chapter examines the problem among women in the church.  It’s a similar problem to what these feminist thinkers identified, and it emerged around the same time – women were not being permitted to exercise their giftedness in a church congregation.  They could take care of potlucks and the nursery, but couldn’t teach or rule within the congregation.  This is a touchy subject.  And one that I want to tackle with lots of thought and discernment.  I’ll study during this coming week and share my thoughts with you next Sunday.